A Heavy Heart

My first year of college, I did a major paper on The Civil Rights Movement.

I slept with the lights on for a week.

I am the first generation of my family to grow up in this country.

It isn’t my MS that causes me to pause when I think about having children, it is the target my child will have on him courtesy of me.  I don’t like stating such things, it makes me feel as if I’m not trusting EVERYTHING to God, and if I truly am – none of that is my concern. Sometimes it is the most difficult thing to remember.

I don’t understand such hate.

I don’t know if I’m capable – If I am

I don’t want to know.



Day 31 – Putting it in Perspective

It has been a pretty trying week

1I was supposed to go to the doctor yesterday, but when my leg started giving me trouble to even lift it, I started to become concerned. I continued to get dressed, but I could hardly move it by the time it I wanted to leave – I knew it wouldn’t improve. Doctor’s appointment was not going to happen. Next available appt – Dec 18. Thus is the unreliability of my life sometimes.

2The day didn’t improve surprisingly, my right leg has slowly gone into spasm….it’s still in a spasm actually. I’ve wrapped my leg in a heating pad hoping it will relax a little, it painful and difficult to move. This is the disability I deal with in my life sometimes.

3My insurance has decided that my esophagus meds that I have been on for the last 10 years are magically not medically necessary. Hehe, I cant swallow without it. They wanted me to know that they would pay for a much cheaper medicine that does not work for me…why would they want to do that? This is the ridiculousness of my life is sometimes.

4“Now how big are the things that upset you today? How Big is your God? Is
your God a puny god, or The Mighty God? Keep things and life in perspective.”

One of my friends sent me these pictures a few years ago, and I find them comforting. I like to look at them when life seems overwhelming. We are just a speck in this vast and deep universe. When we see the Earth that comes with problems seemingly larger than life at times, diminished to no more than a dot on the map of the universe, it is indeed humbling. Even with that much insignificance, the God of this universe not just pays attention to me and you, but loves us to the point that He knows the number of hairs on our heads. It doesn’t seem wise to waste my time becoming sick with worry. (I’ve lived that life, it was called my first 25 years on this Earth, I don’t want to live like that anymore). God is in control. We don’t often know why we go through the things we do, but He knows. As long as we ask Him to take care of our issue, and trust Him to take care of it – He will. This might be something as simple as helping us to see the problem in a different way. It is a gift I would love to give everyone who is caught in a situation they are having a hard time seeing beyond.

Oh my goodness, 31 days is done. I can’t believe how difficult it was for me to post this week, I think the idea of actually finishing something scared me.  I’m so happy to have been able to finish this challenge. I kept my posts pretty light for the most part, because I live my life and I know a great deal of it is not light. Coming here was something I looked forward to. I haven’t blogged in years, and the blog I keep now is very quick, mostly a picture a day posts, so this was a nice departure. Thank you for journeying with me. I’m so grateful.

I took part in the Write 31 Days Challenge.

Write it Down!