MS Groups and me

MS Support Group – Hmm, I joined a new MS support phone group last year.  Ive never really gelled with the group.  I’m thinking it’s quite often difficult to be the new guy in, but Ive never not felt like the new guy – we actually did get a new guy in recently, and he has no problem just jumping in.  I still feel like I’m  the new guy.

I didnt really understand why it was I didnt gel with my current group, I really like the leader, but I never felt very comfortable talking in the group, a few weeks ago, I found out what might be the cause of my insecurity – Im the youngest person in the group.  There are other unmarried childless women, but they are 15 years my senior.  This usually does not bug me, I actually get along better with people who are older than me but because of the lesson I learned in group one, when on my first day they asked- how old are you? you sound so young (the person who asked me sounded younger than me I thought) I didnt tell my age, I just assured them that I was not a child.

But Ive never gelled.  In all honesty, when I remember it is group day, I become so anxious and sad it is quite ridiculous.  Group shouldnt cause anxiety.  I skipped the last two weeks so the group leader would like some answers, and I do believe I owe it to her, but I feel like such a failure, like Im giving up.

Phone groups have always been a little hit or miss for me.  back when I was first diagnosed, my very first group dismissed me with….aww youre just a baby, Ive had MS for as long as you have been alive.  Lesson I learned, never reveal your age.  When I tried once again to join another group, it was wonderful, I think the fact that we all started at the same time helped a bit, but I felt most comfortable talking to my group and the leader, we did get a new lady, who would often comment on how she was highly educated, and really didnt deserve MS.  She would also often complain of her site injection bruises, the group would assure her that the more you took the medications, the more your body would get used to it, and the bruising wouldnt be as bad, to which she replied – you don’t understand, I’m white!!  That was strange on soooo many levels, I didnt know bruising was reserved for white people.  The bruises I would get on my thighs were outrageous.  I can’t get my eyebrows waxed anymore for the bruising that happens on my face – anyway Lesson I learned, education level doesnt neccessarily influence ignorance level.


And that sucks


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