Change – maybe not for the best

changesI was reading a blog that I kept in 2002 or so, and in reading those words I realize with some sadness that I have changed.  Of course most of us are not the same person we were 13 years ago.  I also realize how open that girl was, how tenderhearted.  How she had no problem telling you what was happening in her life at the time, and not just on the medical front, but for everything.

I don’t really do that anymore. Time has changed, Life has changed, the internet has changed, I have changed. I’m just as tenderhearted as I was back then, but the years have taught me that the wolves come for tender hearts first.  So I wrap my heart in 100 layers, and then hide it. My heart is nowhere near as easily accessible.

It sucks when you realize that you’ve been affected by things more deeply than you’d care to admit.


2 thoughts on “Change – maybe not for the best

  1. It’s interesting – I’ve prayed about that quite a bit recently. Younger I was more certain of myself and that I was right, more willing to fight for what was right, willing to take the punches that came with standing up for myself and others. Now, not so much. Life is easier to stay in the shadows, but some days I miss the old me. But not how miserable everyone made me for having an opinion of my own.

    I’m not sure it’s something to be changed (hence the prayers). More of a longing than a true desire.



    • It really is so interesting Nancy. It is as if there is a part of me that does not mind my wrapped up heart, but I look back at things that I used to write and can tell the difference immediately. I seemed so comfortable in my skin. I never remember having such a feeling, but I sure did write like it. We were never really encouraged to have our own thoughts. Such things appeared to scare some of the adults in my life – so maybe I felt more free when I wrote. I guess I mustve allowed life to creep in there too though. Or maybe I’m just tired :-). How are you Nancy? How is your family?


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