Chosen not Cheated

MS WalkThis has been MS awareness month.  It was created to shed light on the life altering illness of Multiple Sclerosis.  It is unfortunate, but true – many people don’t know much about MS, and wouldn’t know anything about it at all if months like this did not exist.   If MS hadn’t hit close to my home, I don’t know if I would have been as interested.
I haven’t been able to be gainfully employed since I was 24 years old. My only full-time job for the last 10 years has been: patient.
Statistically, I should be destitute. My father is over 70 years old, and had no intention of still living in this country at this point in his life, he still goes to work everyday. There is no extra 70K lying around here, yet I’m still alive,  that is God’s grace.
Sometimes the way you are treated as a disabled person can be  dehumanizing.  Many people don’t care, and they don’t care that they don’t care.  At times, I have worried that I was becoming quite bitter, fighting with this depression does not help matters, but I take my concerns to God, and He listens to me, and He understands. He gives me rest and even peace if I allow Him.
I’m so very grateful to have a home to live in, and a caring family.  I wasn’t always grateful though – at times on this journey, being sick felt more like a cruel joke than anything wholesome, but I heard Priscilla Shirer say something one day that I’ve always remembered – You haven’t been cheated, you’ve been chosen.
I don’t know why God chose me, but I am grateful that He did. Most days :-).

Chosen not Cheated was originally published on His Work in Progress

MS Thursday – The one about Fatigue

I didn’t really want to talk about fatigue again, but this is the symptom that I struggle with most.  It affects my every moment, so – it’s never far away.  One of the reasons I didn’t want to tackle this was – I often feel like it is inexplicable.fatigue2 I can’t very well explain what MS fatigue is like.  I used to complain about how tired I was when I used to work and go to school.  I would happily take that “tired” as my vacation now.  I don’t know if anyone can fully understand it unless you’ve experienced it or closely know someone who does.  I don’t really remember what not feeling tired is like.  Every now and then, I try to fool myself with a big cup of caffeine that wakes me up for a few hours, and then drops me just as quickly.  So quite often, I am so tired, I can’t afford to have a social life, I can’t keep up with my friends very much anymore, so I feel like everyone has gone on, and I’m still here, but I have met new friends through this blog, and one of my MS groups.  People my age have spouses and children – I find myself too tired to acquire such life additions.  It makes me respect people who have successful marriages, are raising kids have satisfying jobs or are planning weddings even more.   garbage

  So if you know someone with MS or any chronic illness – who isn’t always laid out flat trying to rest, encourage them, find out what they are doing and offer to help them. Sometimes they’ll take you up on it, other times they will not. Please don’t take offense, sometimes if there is something we actually can do – it’s too exciting and “normal feeling” to not do it!  Many of us know how fleeting the moment can be.  There are two medicines that can be taken for fatigue, one of them does not work for me, the other one, my insurance will not pay for. The last few days in NYC have been very dry (low humidity) and I have been so grateful.  Any humidity above 40% is difficult for me.  It sounds so corny, and yet it’s true – it’s my life!  So while it has been hard on my eyes and skin, my immune system rejoices as much as it can – I don’t even pretend to understand that.  Here’s more information about MS fatigue.

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March is National Multiple Sclerosis Month, here’s how you can help!